definition essay reflection

1. I think that this essay, I should get a  70/100. I re-read it after I had turned it in and realized that some parts made no sense. Organization on this essay wasn't as strong as I wanted it to be. Because this essay came with no outline requirements, it was difficult to sty organized.
2. The most helpful part of the writing process would the self edit. It gave me the chance to re-look at my essay and fix anything that did not make sense. Added a few more details or deleted vague sentences.
3. My biggest strength for this essay would be the examples that I had provided. It allowed the essay to be more well rounded in the meaning of the word. The best example that I used was the one that I based on a movie. 
4. I would improve on the content of the essay. I only had I strong example, and the others weren't as strong. Improving the meaning of the word using better examples would make the essay better overall.
5.   A goal for the next essay would to be formulate all my ideas and choose which are the best to use. Therefore it can be better structured and easier to understand. Also to add more opinions to the topic that I have chosen.
6. I had accomplish part of my goal, by adding a story to the essay and making the detail really stand out. However, I did not accomplish the other part to the goal of spending more time on the drafting process because, of other after school activities.

peer review for sharable draft I

Alejandra Soto

Period 5

Ms. O’Young

3-19-14

What do you think about or do when you cannot fall asleep?

If i cannot sleep at night most of the time i listen to music from my ipod and zone out or play some very quiet slow types of songs, sometimes when i listen to my music, i forget that i have my earbuds on and fall asleep with my ipod still playing, but sometimes when i can’t sleep it is because i am hungry, either i ignore the empty feeling in my stomach or give in and head on to the kitchen to look for something to eat, so i get up,  and make myself a peanut butter jelly sandwich, which i eat all the time, it’s my favorite food, it is very easy to make and fast to eat, i can scarf it down in three minutes or less, and of course its delicious. and when i do that, i often wake up my dad because of all the bright lights that i turn on and he too eats PBJ because he gets a sudden craving for a midnight snack as well, if i really can’t fall asleep, i go to my back up plan, watching tv until my eyes start to droop down, seeing nothing but darkness then all of a sudden seeing a bright screen gets my eyes to close very fast, then reason that i cannot sleep most of the time is because i have too much in my mind or i had just watched a scary movie by myself and all i can think about is that movie, the image of a scary face keeps my mind alert and in fear of danger in my room, therefore i don’t allow myself to fall asleep until i can’t take it anymore. therefore the only way i can finally fall asleep is to let it come naturally

WRITER’S QUESTIONS

Two questions the writer has for his/her readers about this piece of writing: (These questions must be specific-- requiring the reader to recall, analyze, and evaluate your writing in order to formulate an answer. NO yes/no questions) 1. Do you feel like you have some of the same solutions I have for having trouble sleeping? 2. What part of the story do you like?

FIRST READER RESPONSE

First Reader: (Weyland) Response to questions: 1. Kinda I eat if I’m really tired but I don’t usually listen to music 2.I liked that you and your dad eat PB and J at night together

Two questions this reader has for the writer about this piece of writing: 1. 2.

SECOND READER RESPONSE

Second Reader: (TYPE NAME HERE) Response to questions: 1. 2.

Two questions this reader has for the writer about this piece of writing: 1. 2.

THIRD READER RESPONSE

Third Reader: (TYPE NAME HERE) Response to questions: 1. 2.

Two questions this reader has for the writer about this piece of writing. 1. 2.

hope

define the word: hope means that you are faithful in the things that are around you and trust all that is around you, a feeling that is positive about something that is yet to come.

lists of times of hope:
hope that a family member sees the bad in what he has done and can learn from it and see the mistake in it.
hope to be as brave and courageous as can be when trying to save a life
hope that you get what you want for Christmas

positive hope.
motivator, comfort,

negative hope
hope for something terrible, some one dies, people only hopeful in bad situation, blind you to reality, false hope, prevent action seeking something,

hope is being compared to  little bird , how its always there, a feeling

process and analysis refelection

1. I think I should get a 85 or higher on the essay because i really connected o the topic. My thesis was very strong and clear and set the entire mood for the rest of the essay. Development was very well put out, i have its in a chronological type of structure. My word choice wasn't as strong as my previous essay and didn't have as much excitement to it. 
2. The most helpful part of the writing process would be the peer, edit. As i read my essay o my fellow peers, I saw no confusion in the faces and got the idea of what i was trying to say. Feedback like making some sentences make a little more sense, so it can be understandable. 
3. My biggest strength for my essay would be the fact that the topic has to do with me, i have been in a situation that the day did not go well and realized what i did wrong to late, the narrative is true, just a little exaggerated. 
4. An area that i can improve in my essay would be to describe an object or a detail a little bit more precise. Also trying to get my idea into word and making sure that it doesn't sound awkward and or does not make sense.
5. A goal for my new essay would be to spend more time in the drafting process and to pick a topic that i feel really strongly about and that i can relate to, that i have a story with.
6. The part that i accomplished would be to create a better outline to make drafting the essay easier, but i did not accomplish the peer editing goal, i have trouble with collaborating and i need to do that to make my essays better and help others as well.

sharable draft #5

describe an important last, that would be my last year playing soccer in high school, i have been playing since freshman year and junior year was my last year, this was the last time because now i have a part time job and need to focus on that, i have had fun these past three years, going to others school, buying concession stand food, but now i have more responsibility paying for my car, helping out with bills, and keeping grades up, i have had it so easy in my life, i actually had time to do the things i want to do, having my mom driving me around everywhere, doing what ever  want, and now that i am a senior it is time to take life seriously and get prepared for college, some play sports because it is their life, i only played soccer just to have fun and that is what i did.despite the fact that my last year of soccer wasn't as get as the first two, i still have fun, i will even miss going to the locker room every day after school to change for practice, miss dragging my heavy bag all the way to the field. getting on the bus for a long ride for an away game and just playing alongside with my friends, giving each other feedback. now it is my little brothers turn to play and have fun in high school before it is time to get a job and take on more responsibility

compare and contrast reflection

1. i think i deserve and 85 out of 100 because in this essay i choose a topic that i had a very strong opinion on and really connected to. being persuasive in general is very hard, but trying to convince someone to go your way is hard without being biased at the same time. Structure is the part that i feel i did well on this time because i went in order of not time but in content, from the simplest to the complex part of the criteria i have chosen.
2. To me the most helpful part of the writing process is the peer editing. This time we did not just share our essay to one another but actually read them to each other and gave feedback with every paragraph that was read. I was able to hear from my peers what was my strongest point and what was the weakest, therefore to revise them.
3. The strongest part of my essay would have to be the criteria. i went in order from the simplest criteria to the next level and so on. I got to the point where i had to add an extra criteria or else the last one would looked like i had no more to say. I needed to to make my point even more stronger. 
4. personally i have trouble improving on my grammar and punctuation on every essay that i make. I try to apply the grammar lessons we get in class to the essay to at least improve a part of the grammar to each essay.
5. My goal for the next essay would be to collaborate more in the peer editing process so i can get more feedback. Also to make a better outline so that when it is time for the draft i know how i am able to organize it.
6. I think i most definitely accomplished my previous goal because i was very strong in this essay and used a lot of terminology that related to the essay. I can realize that the more strong i feel to the essay the better i explained it in the end

process free wrtie

1. i love to push my little brother to an absolute rage, despite that fact that he is know taller that me and a little stronger nd we are five years apart i love to make him mad, it make a boring houshold fun. first i just start by making noise when he does his homework, and if he cannot get the answer fast enough i say it out loud and he gets mad after a certain point we start to wrestle or fun

2. at work when i am on my feet all day long and when i get the chance to sit for at least 30 seconds someone else needs me just when my butt barely touches the chair, when all work is done i sit and do my charting and do not get up for anything, i let the others do it and dont get up from the chair until my shift is finally over

3. when a girl at work quit i found out that she told all the things i told her to the boss, i was so disappointed at her because she looked like a trustworthy person and always said i will never tell, after that i never trusted anyone at work again, i took a while to trust my co-workers again, i finally came through wen i found out that they did worse things that i did

4.ten things i know how to do
speed while driving
to take care of the elderly
trap a ball with soccer
prevent a person from falling
to make pancakes
to make tamales:)
to take care of a baby
perform CPR
clean the shower tub
make a painting

sharable draft #4

the question do i have what it takes leads me to think of my fear of the future, failing in life. not failing classes but to fail in making my dream come true, do i have what it takes to save a life. to look at some pretty gruesome body and struggle to make that person alive. do i have what it takes to learn all that i needed to know to become a nurse. The term nurse makes people think of a person who takes care of another person but the kind of nurse i wanna become one day is a surgical nurse, do i have what it takes to take action when something goes wrong or will i freeze and panic in that moments. that is what i fear, that i fail in what i wanna do i life. do i have what it takes to succeed.

narrative reflection

1. i would give myself an 80/100 because i felt that i work harder on this essay then i have in the past essays. I took the time to fully self edit my essay and made a lot of major changes to it. I thought i did well on the structure content because i went in order of which the story was told, not just bits and pieces. I could have work better on my transitions but i had limited time to fix that. Overall i was proud of my essay and can say that the story that i told did show that i am a determined person.
2. The most helpful part of the entire writing process would be the self edit procedure. It really made me focus on adding in more details to the story. Where to add more explanation or where to emphasize more on how it appealed to me.
3. I say that my biggest strength would be the organization. I began telling the story by describing the start of an art class. and ended with finishing my work and being satisfied with it. and in the middle i mention how i got from nothing to completing an art work, being determined to finish.
4. Area that i can improve on my essay would be to add more word choice and style to the paper. I can see that i tend to use the same type of words over and over again. I saw that while i was doing my self edit, but couldn't think of a different way to put it. Therefore i need to spend more time on word choice rather than completing a word count.
5. A goal of the next essay that i write would be to fix the word choice issue. This time add words that fit with the topic rather than adding big words that can just make someone look or sound smart. Like the nest essay, i choose to write about painting, therefore i can add some art terminology to make is sound more interesting.
6. I think i have accomplish my previous goal, to some areas that is. I indeed did not procrastinate this time, but with having a job i am limited to working on the essay at school only. Therefore i really needed to make extra time in class given really worth it. Or else i would not accomplish my goal.

authentic revision

2. my grandmas old apartment in California before she moved  to the nursing home, everywhere i glance i witness gracefully there was a angular knitted thing on everything, the center of the apartment is the fordable table but once the table is out the is a square column you can sprint around, me and my brothers used to dash swiftly each other around all the time, the backyard was neat, flowers everywhere red and pink beautiful rose bushes with pointy thorns on them there was an old clothes hanger where wet clothes and ruffed underwear hung. i even remember consuming Arroz con Leche (rice pudding) while watching television on one of the old fashioned TV, and in front of me was one of those little mini fordable tables for little kids, and i was 9. I have been a my grandmas house so many times, and yet i don't remember most of the visits because i have been going there since i was 7. i look at old photos and i see that i used to love stuffed animals and and carrying them around in a stroller, and playing with little dishes and have “Tea” with my cousin when were were little. Photos of people i don't even remember or that i know of at all. Every time i visited my grandmas how i have a new memory but, i forget more and more about the old ones, because i was too young to remember, and the rest of my family remember fairly well.  i only remember my recent trips, me and my brothers shooting each other around the house with Nerf guns with foam bullets, taking a nap under the big tree in the backyard, and coloring with crayons with coloring books. Although i will never forget my last trip to my grandmas house my freshmen year. We had a family reunion and i was a gathering for my grandmas birthday, my aunt was being an organized freak about the tables, and my mom was videotaping everything which annoyed everyone.

description activity

describing something?
-taste: sweet
-texture: smooth, sometimes bumpy
-versatility
--smell/aroma/scent/: sweet
-size : can take any shape
-uses: cookies, cake, ice cream
-color: brown, or can be any other color
-appearance
-sound
-weight
-shape
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

guess- hersheys

describing something?
-taste:cannot consume
-texture: in a little bottle, inside: like paint
-versatility
--smell/aroma/scent/: strong when bottle opened/alcohol like smell
-size small
-uses: accessories (mostly girls)
-color: any
-appearance
-sound
-weight: less than 1 lb
-shape
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

guess-nail polish

what are the ways you can describe something?

describing something?
-taste sweet/sour/crisp
-texture  hard/smooth   mushy/squishy
-versatility     weapons/pie/ Issac/newton/
-comparison: computer, teachers
--smell/aroma/scent/:   outdoors/cinnamon/sugar
-size: baseball
-color: red/green/yellow
-appearance: shiny
-sound:thump
-weight: 1 lb
-shape :heart shaped/
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

hooks

2 different hook for topics:

tell a story
-Think back to the good old pre school days playin with wooded blocks and presenting sock puppet shows, but the most best finger painting. Letting your imagination roam free while getting your fingers all messy and sickly all to paste it on big consruction paper. While others sit in their assigned seat and draw or doodle on a plane peice of paper. Not allowed to draw on the desks or else they endure 15 full minutes of time out in the corner

-

it's better to grow up the the 80's then to be a teenager now

because more kids have their drivers license and therefore depend less on their parents to provide for them and learn more for themselves about the responsibilities of life. Also they give hard working parents a break from driving teens everywhere.

because cell phones weren't invented yet therefore texting and driving was not a cause of death in the eighty's, less people getting into accidents, and also these teenagers without their cell phones can spend more time on life and being active rather than staring at a screen for hours and distracting you from all that surrounds you because it can be an important things you might miss out on.

because the movies today are better than now, and they are more though out and are original then now

Its better to be a teenager in the present because..

More teenagers are choosing to have safer sex rather than in the eighty's, less teenagers agree to use protection.

more teenagers choose to go and pursue onto colleges and universities, therefore having more people will college degrees than just high school diplomas

compare and contrast free write

1. I would choose unmatched athletic ability because I would have fun playing and if some people struggle to learn i skill  would be most certainly glad to help out
2. I would choose super power because it would be fun to walk through walls and fly, where as being ultimately wealth would just mean that you have a lot of money, a lot of people are like that today, and most are not happy.
3. I think i would choose strict rules, because with no rules, i would be afraid for my safety and with strict rules, at least you can meet people rather that be afraid of them.

narrative free writing

1. dear future roommate, I am a very quiet person, so don't take it personally when I don't even say a word to you on a random give day or if i had a bad day. Don't think that i am mad at you because i am not. tht i just how i am and will always be. But sometimes i do get really energetic and loud and werird and just plain annoying. I am not an early bird, I can wake and get up until past noon if i wish to do so. And when my alarm goes off i like to hit the snooze button for 5 extra more minutes and do that for about 10 times. I eat what ever i like
2. The thing that i want to be know for during my high school years would be that am a quiet, and nice person, appearenly, when i am quiet, i have this mad looking expression om my face, Iv had people tell me are you mad at me or what, i i explain no, im jut a quiet person.
3.  when i first applied to my local nursing home, I was nervous, i wanted to quit few weeks into the job, because it was hard to juggle a job and still attend high school t the same time. and because it was hard, i was a newbe and it was just hard as in backstraining work, then after a while i learned to love that place for better or for worse, and to not quit.

Descriptive reflection

1. I would give myself a 40 or lower on this essay because i struggled with this type of essay. I had a hard time staying on topic and knowing what to write next. My transitions were not very helpful at all and didn't smoothly move on to the next paragraph. At the end of the essay, I started to write about something completely different than what my original purpose was supposed to be.
2. I like the self revision part of the writing process because it allows you to look back at your essay and see what you can improve on or what can you change to make the essay better. 
3. My only strength in this essay is being able to describe something. But the problem was that the description that i gave had nothing to do with the exigence, so is wasn't very helpful at all. 
4. I would improve the entire essay if i could, maybe even change topic, in order to stay on topic more. With that, have better content and structure to the essay. This class allows me to continue to improve the essay, even after its been submitted. I will certainly take advantage of that, so I can earn a high and better grade, and have a better, well written essay. 
5. The goal for my next essay would be to work on my essay, and that means to make time to write. Having a job makes it a lot harder to do that, but i have to make time and prioritize my work in order to write better essays, and have time to do other things. I have to stay on topic this to time and to NOT procrastinate while working on the essay. That is my biggest issue and I have to learn to fix the issue.  

shareable draft #3

what do you think about or do when you cannot fall asleep?
If i cannot sleep at night most of the time i listen to music from my ipod and zone out or play some very quiet slow types of songs, but sometimes when i cant sleep it is because i am hungry so i go to the kitchen and make myself a peanuyt butter jelly sandwich which i eat all the time, favorite food, it is very easy to make and fast to eat and of course delicious. adnd when i do that i often wake up my dad and he to eats i PBJ because he has a sudden craving for a midnight snack as well, if i really cant fall asleep them i go to my back up plan, watching tv until my eyes start to droop down, see nothing but darkness then all of a sudden seeing a bright screen get my eyes to close very fast, then reason that i cannot sleep most of the time is...

sharable raft #2

Why did you do it?
soccer, i started playing soccer since ffreshmen year, at first i was s unfamiliar about termonology like varity vs jounior varsity, or what did trap mean when the coach said that you have to trapp the ball before it comes to you, as i progressed along, i continued to imprve awas switch to play a ot of different positions until i got to the oint where playing outside deffender was my favorite and best position, soccer was just smehng i wanted to do for fun, only played for three years and had two differnet coaches Burke, and Bob, in my opinio they ere both great coaches and made the season very fun, i never intennded to play seriously, i just wanted to play for fun and thats how JV was, unike vasity, they tak it way too seriously, and the girls that arre on the team areent very nice or or too cocky and thin their pro. I will always remeber playing soccer and how it made my high school years fun, i do still ply, but just with my friends, and we all have enough skill to no what we are ding instead of chasing the ball like we are dogs chasing a bone, and wee even use the soccer terminology like "i go" or forward.

shareable draft #1

1. ne thing that scares me for he future
The thing that scares me fr the future is the fact that i have to start doing things on my own a=now and not depending other do it for me, i may still have my parents but i have to be resposible to work and maintain my self isn shape and evne cre for my car. It is a lot that i have to look after and im not too sure i can take it al wen it is the time t come to that. Also decide whst i want to do is the right thig and if i will ever know that it will kmake me happy for the res of my life or i will regret doing some thing, tht i have to admit is most likely what i might end up doing, and if i do will i be able to fix my mistake or wll i have to g=face i for the rest of my life knowing what i had done, in this case, i am speaking for my brother, hoping that everything will go alright for him and make no, no more future mistakes ever again.

1\9

1. What is necessary for a piece of writing to be considered "good"?
proper grammar
forshadowing
emotions
storyline


How Not To Be Alone
good piece- yes- why
relateable, The example at the beginning about the girl crying and pretending to be on phone
flashbacks, that person describing an akward moment

scent of a nerd
undecided
no- weird- made wife smell test five samples of different colognes every day for a month
yes- word choice- he named his cologne "Snarkey"

1\8

1. Marlene Mulhern - she is a resident at florence Nursing home that I work in. she can be very stubborn at many times, and may even swear alittle. But the one thing i can count on her is thst she will always be there to make me smile and laugh. favorite color PURPLE, roommate Chico, who she doesnt consider her as a buddy, always has a smirk on her face, loves to walk without her walker even though she is supposed to have it. always complains about her underwear or brief is falling off, once i even saw her pants fall to the ground, but thankfully she still had her brief on.

2. my grandmas old apartment in california before she went to the nursing home, everywhere i saw there was a knitted thing on everything, the center of the apartment is the table but once the table is out the is a sqare column you can circle around, like me and my brothers used to case around all the time, the backyard was neat, flowers everywhrere red and pink rose bushes with horns on them. there was an old cloths hanger where wet cloths andunderwhere hung

3. the old fashioned rubic cube, my friends were gunna throw it away, but i kept it, i kidda keeps me thinking, i like to mess aroung with it where i finish with my shower and im still in my towel, or sometimes when i cant slleeep i play with it to hep me, wen ever i get started with it my goal is to change it to a new color and even try to get two solid colors perfectly without messing up the other, the only far i have come is one solid color

4. fear is the feeling you get when your heart starts beating so fast that the other people around you can hear it, it is the one feeling that you most dread to experience but it can also but good for your health bcause it gves you that activicty in your brain to become alert and reactive, kinda like the flight or freight reaction. to me fear is that one feeeling that keeps me up at night because im too afraid to close my eyes and continue to think about the thing that i fear, in this case, death, i may not have experienced it, but i hav seen it, and i had no idea what to think or do