- I would give myself a 40 or lower on this essay because i struggled with this type of essay. I had a hard time staying on topic and knowing what to write next. My transitions were not very helpful at all and didn't smoothly move on to the next paragraph. At the end of the essay, I started to write about something completely different than what my original purpose was supposed to be.
- I like the self revision part of the writing process because it allows you to look back at your essay and see what you can improve on or what can you change to make the essay better.
- My only strength in this essay is being able to describe something. But the problem was that the description that i gave had nothing to do with the exigence, so is wasn't very helpful at all.
- I would improve the entire essay if i could, maybe even change topic, in order to stay on topic more. With that, have better content and structure to the essay. This class allows me to continue to improve the essay, even after its been submitted. I will certainly take advantage of that, so I can earn a high and better grade, and have a better, well written essay.
- The goal for my next essay would be to work on my essay, and that means to make time to write. Having a job makes it a lot harder to do that, but i have to make time and prioritize my work in order to write better essays, and have time to do other things. I have to stay on topic this to time and to NOT procrastinate while working on the essay. That is my biggest issue and I have to learn to fix the issue.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Descriptive reflection
Friday, January 24, 2014
shareable draft #3
what do you think about or do when you cannot fall asleep?
If i cannot sleep at night most of the time i listen to music from my ipod and zone out or play some very quiet slow types of songs, but sometimes when i cant sleep it is because i am hungry so i go to the kitchen and make myself a peanuyt butter jelly sandwich which i eat all the time, favorite food, it is very easy to make and fast to eat and of course delicious. adnd when i do that i often wake up my dad and he to eats i PBJ because he has a sudden craving for a midnight snack as well, if i really cant fall asleep them i go to my back up plan, watching tv until my eyes start to droop down, see nothing but darkness then all of a sudden seeing a bright screen get my eyes to close very fast, then reason that i cannot sleep most of the time is...
If i cannot sleep at night most of the time i listen to music from my ipod and zone out or play some very quiet slow types of songs, but sometimes when i cant sleep it is because i am hungry so i go to the kitchen and make myself a peanuyt butter jelly sandwich which i eat all the time, favorite food, it is very easy to make and fast to eat and of course delicious. adnd when i do that i often wake up my dad and he to eats i PBJ because he has a sudden craving for a midnight snack as well, if i really cant fall asleep them i go to my back up plan, watching tv until my eyes start to droop down, see nothing but darkness then all of a sudden seeing a bright screen get my eyes to close very fast, then reason that i cannot sleep most of the time is...
Friday, January 17, 2014
sharable raft #2
Why did you do it?
soccer, i started playing soccer since ffreshmen year, at first i was s unfamiliar about termonology like varity vs jounior varsity, or what did trap mean when the coach said that you have to trapp the ball before it comes to you, as i progressed along, i continued to imprve awas switch to play a ot of different positions until i got to the oint where playing outside deffender was my favorite and best position, soccer was just smehng i wanted to do for fun, only played for three years and had two differnet coaches Burke, and Bob, in my opinio they ere both great coaches and made the season very fun, i never intennded to play seriously, i just wanted to play for fun and thats how JV was, unike vasity, they tak it way too seriously, and the girls that arre on the team areent very nice or or too cocky and thin their pro. I will always remeber playing soccer and how it made my high school years fun, i do still ply, but just with my friends, and we all have enough skill to no what we are ding instead of chasing the ball like we are dogs chasing a bone, and wee even use the soccer terminology like "i go" or forward.
soccer, i started playing soccer since ffreshmen year, at first i was s unfamiliar about termonology like varity vs jounior varsity, or what did trap mean when the coach said that you have to trapp the ball before it comes to you, as i progressed along, i continued to imprve awas switch to play a ot of different positions until i got to the oint where playing outside deffender was my favorite and best position, soccer was just smehng i wanted to do for fun, only played for three years and had two differnet coaches Burke, and Bob, in my opinio they ere both great coaches and made the season very fun, i never intennded to play seriously, i just wanted to play for fun and thats how JV was, unike vasity, they tak it way too seriously, and the girls that arre on the team areent very nice or or too cocky and thin their pro. I will always remeber playing soccer and how it made my high school years fun, i do still ply, but just with my friends, and we all have enough skill to no what we are ding instead of chasing the ball like we are dogs chasing a bone, and wee even use the soccer terminology like "i go" or forward.
Friday, January 10, 2014
shareable draft #1
1. ne thing that scares me for he future
The thing that scares me fr the future is the fact that i have to start doing things on my own a=now and not depending other do it for me, i may still have my parents but i have to be resposible to work and maintain my self isn shape and evne cre for my car. It is a lot that i have to look after and im not too sure i can take it al wen it is the time t come to that. Also decide whst i want to do is the right thig and if i will ever know that it will kmake me happy for the res of my life or i will regret doing some thing, tht i have to admit is most likely what i might end up doing, and if i do will i be able to fix my mistake or wll i have to g=face i for the rest of my life knowing what i had done, in this case, i am speaking for my brother, hoping that everything will go alright for him and make no, no more future mistakes ever again.
The thing that scares me fr the future is the fact that i have to start doing things on my own a=now and not depending other do it for me, i may still have my parents but i have to be resposible to work and maintain my self isn shape and evne cre for my car. It is a lot that i have to look after and im not too sure i can take it al wen it is the time t come to that. Also decide whst i want to do is the right thig and if i will ever know that it will kmake me happy for the res of my life or i will regret doing some thing, tht i have to admit is most likely what i might end up doing, and if i do will i be able to fix my mistake or wll i have to g=face i for the rest of my life knowing what i had done, in this case, i am speaking for my brother, hoping that everything will go alright for him and make no, no more future mistakes ever again.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
1\9
1. What is necessary for a piece of writing to be considered "good"?
proper grammar
forshadowing
emotions
storyline
How Not To Be Alone
good piece- yes- why
relateable, The example at the beginning about the girl crying and pretending to be on phone
flashbacks, that person describing an akward moment
scent of a nerd
undecided
no- weird- made wife smell test five samples of different colognes every day for a month
yes- word choice- he named his cologne "Snarkey"
proper grammar
forshadowing
emotions
storyline
How Not To Be Alone
good piece- yes- why
relateable, The example at the beginning about the girl crying and pretending to be on phone
flashbacks, that person describing an akward moment
scent of a nerd
undecided
no- weird- made wife smell test five samples of different colognes every day for a month
yes- word choice- he named his cologne "Snarkey"
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
1\8
1. Marlene Mulhern - she is a resident at florence Nursing home that I work in. she can be very stubborn at many times, and may even swear alittle. But the one thing i can count on her is thst she will always be there to make me smile and laugh. favorite color PURPLE, roommate Chico, who she doesnt consider her as a buddy, always has a smirk on her face, loves to walk without her walker even though she is supposed to have it. always complains about her underwear or brief is falling off, once i even saw her pants fall to the ground, but thankfully she still had her brief on.
2. my grandmas old apartment in california before she went to the nursing home, everywhere i saw there was a knitted thing on everything, the center of the apartment is the table but once the table is out the is a sqare column you can circle around, like me and my brothers used to case around all the time, the backyard was neat, flowers everywhrere red and pink rose bushes with horns on them. there was an old cloths hanger where wet cloths andunderwhere hung
3. the old fashioned rubic cube, my friends were gunna throw it away, but i kept it, i kidda keeps me thinking, i like to mess aroung with it where i finish with my shower and im still in my towel, or sometimes when i cant slleeep i play with it to hep me, wen ever i get started with it my goal is to change it to a new color and even try to get two solid colors perfectly without messing up the other, the only far i have come is one solid color
4. fear is the feeling you get when your heart starts beating so fast that the other people around you can hear it, it is the one feeling that you most dread to experience but it can also but good for your health bcause it gves you that activicty in your brain to become alert and reactive, kinda like the flight or freight reaction. to me fear is that one feeeling that keeps me up at night because im too afraid to close my eyes and continue to think about the thing that i fear, in this case, death, i may not have experienced it, but i hav seen it, and i had no idea what to think or do
2. my grandmas old apartment in california before she went to the nursing home, everywhere i saw there was a knitted thing on everything, the center of the apartment is the table but once the table is out the is a sqare column you can circle around, like me and my brothers used to case around all the time, the backyard was neat, flowers everywhrere red and pink rose bushes with horns on them. there was an old cloths hanger where wet cloths andunderwhere hung
3. the old fashioned rubic cube, my friends were gunna throw it away, but i kept it, i kidda keeps me thinking, i like to mess aroung with it where i finish with my shower and im still in my towel, or sometimes when i cant slleeep i play with it to hep me, wen ever i get started with it my goal is to change it to a new color and even try to get two solid colors perfectly without messing up the other, the only far i have come is one solid color
4. fear is the feeling you get when your heart starts beating so fast that the other people around you can hear it, it is the one feeling that you most dread to experience but it can also but good for your health bcause it gves you that activicty in your brain to become alert and reactive, kinda like the flight or freight reaction. to me fear is that one feeeling that keeps me up at night because im too afraid to close my eyes and continue to think about the thing that i fear, in this case, death, i may not have experienced it, but i hav seen it, and i had no idea what to think or do
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