sharable draft #5

describe an important last, that would be my last year playing soccer in high school, i have been playing since freshman year and junior year was my last year, this was the last time because now i have a part time job and need to focus on that, i have had fun these past three years, going to others school, buying concession stand food, but now i have more responsibility paying for my car, helping out with bills, and keeping grades up, i have had it so easy in my life, i actually had time to do the things i want to do, having my mom driving me around everywhere, doing what ever  want, and now that i am a senior it is time to take life seriously and get prepared for college, some play sports because it is their life, i only played soccer just to have fun and that is what i did.despite the fact that my last year of soccer wasn't as get as the first two, i still have fun, i will even miss going to the locker room every day after school to change for practice, miss dragging my heavy bag all the way to the field. getting on the bus for a long ride for an away game and just playing alongside with my friends, giving each other feedback. now it is my little brothers turn to play and have fun in high school before it is time to get a job and take on more responsibility

compare and contrast reflection

1. i think i deserve and 85 out of 100 because in this essay i choose a topic that i had a very strong opinion on and really connected to. being persuasive in general is very hard, but trying to convince someone to go your way is hard without being biased at the same time. Structure is the part that i feel i did well on this time because i went in order of not time but in content, from the simplest to the complex part of the criteria i have chosen.
2. To me the most helpful part of the writing process is the peer editing. This time we did not just share our essay to one another but actually read them to each other and gave feedback with every paragraph that was read. I was able to hear from my peers what was my strongest point and what was the weakest, therefore to revise them.
3. The strongest part of my essay would have to be the criteria. i went in order from the simplest criteria to the next level and so on. I got to the point where i had to add an extra criteria or else the last one would looked like i had no more to say. I needed to to make my point even more stronger. 
4. personally i have trouble improving on my grammar and punctuation on every essay that i make. I try to apply the grammar lessons we get in class to the essay to at least improve a part of the grammar to each essay.
5. My goal for the next essay would be to collaborate more in the peer editing process so i can get more feedback. Also to make a better outline so that when it is time for the draft i know how i am able to organize it.
6. I think i most definitely accomplished my previous goal because i was very strong in this essay and used a lot of terminology that related to the essay. I can realize that the more strong i feel to the essay the better i explained it in the end

process free wrtie

1. i love to push my little brother to an absolute rage, despite that fact that he is know taller that me and a little stronger nd we are five years apart i love to make him mad, it make a boring houshold fun. first i just start by making noise when he does his homework, and if he cannot get the answer fast enough i say it out loud and he gets mad after a certain point we start to wrestle or fun

2. at work when i am on my feet all day long and when i get the chance to sit for at least 30 seconds someone else needs me just when my butt barely touches the chair, when all work is done i sit and do my charting and do not get up for anything, i let the others do it and dont get up from the chair until my shift is finally over

3. when a girl at work quit i found out that she told all the things i told her to the boss, i was so disappointed at her because she looked like a trustworthy person and always said i will never tell, after that i never trusted anyone at work again, i took a while to trust my co-workers again, i finally came through wen i found out that they did worse things that i did

4.ten things i know how to do
speed while driving
to take care of the elderly
trap a ball with soccer
prevent a person from falling
to make pancakes
to make tamales:)
to take care of a baby
perform CPR
clean the shower tub
make a painting

sharable draft #4

the question do i have what it takes leads me to think of my fear of the future, failing in life. not failing classes but to fail in making my dream come true, do i have what it takes to save a life. to look at some pretty gruesome body and struggle to make that person alive. do i have what it takes to learn all that i needed to know to become a nurse. The term nurse makes people think of a person who takes care of another person but the kind of nurse i wanna become one day is a surgical nurse, do i have what it takes to take action when something goes wrong or will i freeze and panic in that moments. that is what i fear, that i fail in what i wanna do i life. do i have what it takes to succeed.

narrative reflection

1. i would give myself an 80/100 because i felt that i work harder on this essay then i have in the past essays. I took the time to fully self edit my essay and made a lot of major changes to it. I thought i did well on the structure content because i went in order of which the story was told, not just bits and pieces. I could have work better on my transitions but i had limited time to fix that. Overall i was proud of my essay and can say that the story that i told did show that i am a determined person.
2. The most helpful part of the entire writing process would be the self edit procedure. It really made me focus on adding in more details to the story. Where to add more explanation or where to emphasize more on how it appealed to me.
3. I say that my biggest strength would be the organization. I began telling the story by describing the start of an art class. and ended with finishing my work and being satisfied with it. and in the middle i mention how i got from nothing to completing an art work, being determined to finish.
4. Area that i can improve on my essay would be to add more word choice and style to the paper. I can see that i tend to use the same type of words over and over again. I saw that while i was doing my self edit, but couldn't think of a different way to put it. Therefore i need to spend more time on word choice rather than completing a word count.
5. A goal of the next essay that i write would be to fix the word choice issue. This time add words that fit with the topic rather than adding big words that can just make someone look or sound smart. Like the nest essay, i choose to write about painting, therefore i can add some art terminology to make is sound more interesting.
6. I think i have accomplish my previous goal, to some areas that is. I indeed did not procrastinate this time, but with having a job i am limited to working on the essay at school only. Therefore i really needed to make extra time in class given really worth it. Or else i would not accomplish my goal.

authentic revision

2. my grandmas old apartment in California before she moved  to the nursing home, everywhere i glance i witness gracefully there was a angular knitted thing on everything, the center of the apartment is the fordable table but once the table is out the is a square column you can sprint around, me and my brothers used to dash swiftly each other around all the time, the backyard was neat, flowers everywhere red and pink beautiful rose bushes with pointy thorns on them there was an old clothes hanger where wet clothes and ruffed underwear hung. i even remember consuming Arroz con Leche (rice pudding) while watching television on one of the old fashioned TV, and in front of me was one of those little mini fordable tables for little kids, and i was 9. I have been a my grandmas house so many times, and yet i don't remember most of the visits because i have been going there since i was 7. i look at old photos and i see that i used to love stuffed animals and and carrying them around in a stroller, and playing with little dishes and have “Tea” with my cousin when were were little. Photos of people i don't even remember or that i know of at all. Every time i visited my grandmas how i have a new memory but, i forget more and more about the old ones, because i was too young to remember, and the rest of my family remember fairly well.  i only remember my recent trips, me and my brothers shooting each other around the house with Nerf guns with foam bullets, taking a nap under the big tree in the backyard, and coloring with crayons with coloring books. Although i will never forget my last trip to my grandmas house my freshmen year. We had a family reunion and i was a gathering for my grandmas birthday, my aunt was being an organized freak about the tables, and my mom was videotaping everything which annoyed everyone.

description activity

describing something?
-taste: sweet
-texture: smooth, sometimes bumpy
-versatility
--smell/aroma/scent/: sweet
-size : can take any shape
-uses: cookies, cake, ice cream
-color: brown, or can be any other color
-appearance
-sound
-weight
-shape
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

guess- hersheys

describing something?
-taste:cannot consume
-texture: in a little bottle, inside: like paint
-versatility
--smell/aroma/scent/: strong when bottle opened/alcohol like smell
-size small
-uses: accessories (mostly girls)
-color: any
-appearance
-sound
-weight: less than 1 lb
-shape
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

guess-nail polish

what are the ways you can describe something?

describing something?
-taste sweet/sour/crisp
-texture  hard/smooth   mushy/squishy
-versatility     weapons/pie/ Issac/newton/
-comparison: computer, teachers
--smell/aroma/scent/:   outdoors/cinnamon/sugar
-size: baseball
-color: red/green/yellow
-appearance: shiny
-sound:thump
-weight: 1 lb
-shape :heart shaped/
personality
-height
-emotions
-experiences

hooks

2 different hook for topics:

tell a story
-Think back to the good old pre school days playin with wooded blocks and presenting sock puppet shows, but the most best finger painting. Letting your imagination roam free while getting your fingers all messy and sickly all to paste it on big consruction paper. While others sit in their assigned seat and draw or doodle on a plane peice of paper. Not allowed to draw on the desks or else they endure 15 full minutes of time out in the corner

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